Issue 85. Style In Progress
My sense of style is evolving, and instead of resisting, I'm paying attention.
I’ve shared a few times recently that I’m feeling…off. Disconnected from my closet, and feeling unstylish. This disconnect has been difficult, I think in-part because it feels like failure. “I had everything figured out last year. What’s wrong with me that I’m not satisfied anymore?” I think the answer is actually quite simple: my preferences have changed. I want to be more expressive in my style. Last year, I was simply trying to keep my head above water while dealing with repeated changes to my body shape and size that meant that clothing I had previously adored no longer fit. I was in survival mode. And Project 333—having a very small wardrobe that was completely interchangeable—helped me make the most of a difficult situation.
But now I want more. I don’t want to have clothing that is 100% function-forward. And again, I understand how I got here: When you’re re-purchasing your whole wardrobe over and over again due to external forces, it makes sense that you might not manage to buy the most exciting version of each piece. But today, I want to honor the part of me that really, really cares about aesthetics, and wants to look like my version of a Fashion girl.
And maybe I haven’t gone after my aesthetic preferences because I don’t think I’m good enough to. Adidas Samba? too fashion. The latest handbag? that’s for someone else. But the things is, I have always been acutely aware of trends, apprised of exactly what is cool and why. And choosing to opt-out, even when I actually wanted to opt-in. (literally, is it too late to try Sambas now?)
So over the next few weeks (or months), I’ll be writing about and exploring my personal aesthetic. Maybe analyzes of people I think are stylish. Mood-boards. Trial and error. A bit messier, a bit less polished. I might backtrack on things I said I didn’t like before (like, not wearing black) because I want to honor the part of me that’s different now. A little bolder. Unafraid to look like I care, in fact, I want to look like I care. Because here’s the problem with proclamations of what our style is or isn’t —if we don’t hold them loosely, they can turn into limiting beliefs that prevent us from honoring our growth.
Instead of being frustrated with myself for being unsatisfied - I’ve decided to see this as an opportunity to tell myself it’s okay to go after my dreams:
Want to start wearing lip liner, and not sure how to do it? FIGURE IT OUT!
Want a pair of nylon shorts (XS-L), because they’re cool and different? DO IT ANYWAY.
Want to dress like ? DRESS LIKE ANNA NEWTON! (ok that one reads a bit aggressive, but you get the point).
So when I need a new sweater, maybe I’ll go for the boldy striped one instead of a more neutral option. Or if I want a big tattoo, I’ll get a big tattoo. I want to be my version of That Girl. I want to get comfortable taking up space.
I also want to address the self-critical inner voice. Often, we hear folks attribute that inner dialogue as what other people have said to us vs what we’re saying to ourselves. I think that is often true! And also, I’ve observed in my own life that when I’m dissatisfied with myself, I often erroneously assume that other people are dissatisfied with me. I once asked my manager at work if he was expecting more from me than I was delivering. He was surprised at my question, saying that I was doing great! But here’s the thing: I knew I could do more. Not in a toxic, grindset way. But in a—I’m not growing or pushing myself way. So these days, when I assume everyone thinks I’m not stylish, I see that as an indication that I’m not wearing what I want to be wearing. When I get dressed now, I want to ask myself - If I saw someone walking down the street in this outfit, would I want to compliment them? And let that be my guide.
A note on aesthetic
I’ve never expected for my personal aesthetic to be the driving force of this newsletter, in fact, I’ve intentionally invited-in folks with different aesthetics. That angle isn’t going away. Instead, my intention is to share this process with you all, in the hopes that if we don’t share an aesthetic, maybe we both desire a lighter, more playful, more embodied approach to style.
You in?
To kick off this new energy, I thought it would be fun to share a few people and concepts that have aesthetically resonated with me lately:
Cara Wengen’s entire feed but particularly this outfit. The boots! The headscarf! The give-no-fucks energy.
Literally everything
wears, but particularly the way she uses accessories to elevate simple looks, Iike this:
Issa Rae’s boss energy in a 2021 Vanity Fair feature which lives rent-free in my head:
Stick-n-poke hand tattoos, which excite and terrify me. Apparently Sofia Richie has some?
A f*ck *ss bob, which I’ve seen on many a cool-girl walking around San Francisco.
articulated my feelings exactly:
Shorter hemlines, as Abisola Omole’s styles impeccably here:
And this groove-forward, genre-bending playlist that I’m loving for everything from a scenic drive to lifting weights at the gym. Songs that I think are cool.
To wrap things up—No, I’m not going to force myself to do anything that doesn’t feel right. But part of dressing intuitively is listening to our deeper desires and going for the things that scare us. And right now, the jealousy I feel when I see a Really Good Outfit is a sign that maybe, just maybe, I’m ready to push myself.
Like this little guy:
Best,
Maureen
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What a fun journey you have ahead of you! Let's both get the bob and just not give a f*ck
It’s never too late for Sambas, they’re actually timeless not trendy IMO.
Can’t wait to follow along with you on this latest fashion exploration.