Issue 06. The distraction of the 'wrong thing'

And how to let go once you realize it's not serving you

The ‘wrong’ thing hanging in your wardrobe, sitting in your jewelry case or taking up space in your living room can create problems, instead of solving them.

I’ll give you a few examples.

A few months ago, my friend invited me over to his new apartment to give him some design tips for his new space. He excitedly showed me around a few rooms, sharing his vision for each space and how he hoped to live in it. But when we turned to the living room, his excitement deflated, despite the room having lovely fireplace and big bright windows.

Why? A set of black IKEA bookshelves he “never really liked anyway,” and wasn’t sure where to place.

The bookshelves he bought to solve a problem had become the problem.

Figuring out where to put the bookshelves took so much energy. Maybe the bookshelves needed to go in the bedroom! Or, just one in the bedroom! Or, maybe they will look better turned on their sides! When he suggested breaking up his favorite part of the room to accommodate the bookshelves, I realized the bookshelves needed to go.

Keeping the ‘wrong’ thing—whether in your living room or in your closet—creates problems rather than solving them.

Another example. For a few months, I felt out of sync with my personal style when I chose to put on a Uniqlo crossbody bag when running out the door for a workout class or to the grocery store. I had originally purchased the bag thinking it would make sense to have a more athletic bag for casual occasions, despite not being particularly attracted to a ‘sporty’ aesthetic. (YES, I was influenced).

The bag in question

Eventually, I decided the only logical solution was to replace it with a higher quality leather version. I went to Madewell and tried one on, and really considered buying it. But I had a nagging feeling about the purchase. I already had a few great leather crossbody bags, one even in a similar color to the one I was considering. Ultimately, I decided to try going without. And guess what? I just used the other bags I had instead. Immediately, I felt more in sync with my personal style, because suddenly I was wearing my favorite bags all the time!

But the real issue with keeping the ‘wrong’ thing is when it makes you want something new to ‘fix’ it. For example, replacing a bag instead of using one you already had. Or buying a new bottom to wear with a top you’re struggling to style.

Keeping the ‘wrong’ thing can cloud judgement and create a false sense of lack.

This isn’t strictly a newsletter on minimalism, but I do think there’s a lot to learn from going without. Instead of spending $150 on a new leather bag to replace one I already had, I was able to reflect on where else I’d rather spend that money, and realized I genuinely needed a new pair of leggings for yoga, which I ended up purchasing and have worn more than once a week since!

And because discussions about clothing can feel so moralistic, I just want to be clear, buying the cute leather bag from Madewell could actually have been a great choice. Who knows, maybe one day I will end up buying it! But in a world where many of us are trying to reduce consumption and support ethical labor, going without felt like the right choice for me in this situation.

Let me know in the comments, have you ever ‘gone without’ and realized it was actually fine? Or the opposite, realized you really really needed the thing?

Thanks for reading!

xx