Issue 40. Moving through style self-doubt

Including three practical suggestions for how to get through it, and what to avoid

Self-acceptance has no destination. There’s no finish-line. There will be times where self-acceptance comes easily, and others when it seems impossible.

For the last few days, I’ve been spiraling with style self-doubt after reading a post here on Substack that brought up my deepest-rooted style insecurities.¹

To my Holiday-addled brain, the post confirmed the stories in my head that had prevented me from simplifying my wardrobe sooner:

There is a specific definition of “style” and it’s none of the things I prioritize in my wardrobe. Stylish people do not value simplicity: instead, a Stylish person’s closet features a variety of styles, silhouettes and colors. If getting dressed is easy, you’re probably wearing something boring.

Of course, what each of us is insecure about is different. Perhaps I trigger your insecurities when I talk about how valuable a small wardrobe is for me!

For the times when your brain says you’re unstylish, here’s a few things to get out of the trap.

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DO

Take a compassion break

A compassion break is a brief acknowledgement of suffering.

Say to yourself:

1. This is a moment of suffering

That’s mindfulness. Other options include:

• This hurts.

• I’m having a hard time.

• This doesn’t feel good.

2. Suffering is a part of life

That’s common humanity. Other options include:

• Struggling is totally normal.

• I’m not alone.

• We all struggle in our lives.

Now, put your hands over your heart, feel the warmth of your hands and the gentle touch of your hands on your chest.

3. How can I be kind to myself right now?

Consider reciting one of the following self-compassion statements.

• May I accept myself as I am.

• May I begin to accept myself as I am.

• May I be patient with myself.

Move through the pain, rather than avoid or seek to solve it.

Think back to a time when you felt stylish

A moment when you put something on that connected with who you are. An outfit that put a spring in your step. Not necessarily a time when someone else thought you were stylish, but perhaps they complimented you after you already felt this way yourself. Remind yourself that this insecurity can be temporary.

Do something not about your appearance at all

Go for a walk, take some time to exercise, call a loved one, or do something nourishing like make something to eat. Remind yourself that your physical appearance is only one aspect of who you are. What else are you capable of?

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AVOID

Avoid consuming online fashion discourse

This is not the time to gather “inspiration.” This is a time to acknowledge your feelings, and reset your perspective. Gathering inspiration at this time would only confirm the negative self-talk - “Yes, I AM un-stylish, because look at what these people are wearing / saying. I don’t dress like them.” Take a moment to step away and build your confidence back up before re-engaging.

Avoid online shopping / browsing

Similarly, the purpose of shopping / browsing at this time would be to “solve” the confirmed issue of your unstylishness. But, its entirely possible a few days from now you will feel differently, perhaps more neutral about your style, if not positive. Any purchases made in this state are likely to be mistakes driven from insecurity. Let the storm pass before pulling out the credit-card.

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Let me know in the comments, how do you move through self-doubt?

Best,

Maureen

1. I’m not going to link to the piece that upset me, because its not really *about The Piece.* I already had these stories in my head before I even read the title. The post only confirmed all the negative stories in my head I thought I had let go of.